May is Allergy Awareness Month and a great time to learn about food allergies! SPEAK is featuring interviews with Singaporean families, caregivers and healthcare professionals for the month of May to help raise awareness about the challenges and triumphs these families go through.
Read personal stories of those whose lives have been impacted by food allergies and how their experience can help others.
36-year-old Emma Goh is a mother-of-two. Her eldest son Zed is allergic to eggs, milk, peanut, tree nuts, coconut, fish and shellfish. He carries EpiPens with him. Her youngest son Nathan does not have any food allergies.
Can you introduce yourself?
Hi, I’m Emma! Marcus and I are blessed with two active boys – Zed (8 years old) and Nathan (5 years old). Zed faces challenges with food allergies while Nathan has yet to show signs of allergies. We have a helper who help us with cooking and caring for the boys when we are not around.
Over the years, we’ve adapted well but the initial years were very trying. There was a lot of blaming and paranoia from relatives with good intentions especially because we were ourselves not sure what triggered Zed’s reactions.
We made the deliberate decision to dine-in at home as far as possible and not attend social gatherings over meals. Just being in the restaurant is enough to trigger Zed’s allergies.
For our own family members like my mum or my in-laws, we are more sure but beyond that, no. There was once we went on a playdate and they were very careful about checking the food. Zed ate there and puked like crazy. It’s really just a lack of awareness, people not knowing how to read food labels (because allergens can be disguised as other names).
This has definitely brought out the creative chef in me to dish out Zed-friendly replicas of what he can’t eat outside such as cheese-less pizza and watermelon tiered birthday cakes. I never cooked before I had Zed (laughs) but no choice right?
How did you find out about Zed’s allergies?
When Zed was just three months old and on mixed feeds, we had dinner at a salad bar and I had a bit too much egg mayo salad. He latched on and started having hives, swollen eyes and his skin was hot to touch. We went to our paediatrician and was referred for a skin prick test at the hospital. That’s when we found out that eggs and cow’s milk were high on the list. He has not grown out of any of his allergies.
How did you feel when you heard the diagnosis?
I was devastated that I hurt my own child without knowing. I know we still can’t explain why he has allergies especially when no one else in the family has it. Somehow as the protector of a child, you feel like, “Oh my gosh, I’m so helpless” when managing the situation especially when my younger one has no allergies.
Over the years, there is also always this sense of guilt that we are not doing enough and worrying that he feels excluded.
Did you have to change your family’s eating norms at home to accommodate Zed’s needs?
Oh yes, definitely. We do not have egg, seafood and fish dishes at home unless we are receiving guests. We also have to use alternative condiments when cooking at home such as vegetarian oyster (mushroom) sauce.
When Nathan asks for something that Zed is allergic to, we’ll prepare two separate servings. For example, Nathan really loves fishballs. We’ll cook one pot of soup and take one portion out for Nathan and add fishballs.
When Nathan was really young, he didn’t know (better) so he’ll offer it to Zed. Zed will say things like, “I cannot eat lah!”. Over time, whenever Nathan eats fishballs he’ll go, “Zed cannot eat right? But Nathan can eat.” Somehow, Zed has just accepted it. Since he started going to childcare, Zed has seen that all his friends can eat freely so he’s used to not being able to eat freely. Still, Zed used to ask “Why am I the only one like this?”
How has your child’s diagnosis changed your perspective on food and people with food allergies?
I’ve never been exposed to people with food allergies prior to Zed’s diagnosis. I had thought of it as a rare condition and did not give it much thought of what goes into the food and how it’s packaged or managed. There was a lot of learning and re-learning and seeing things from a new perspective.
What has been your biggest challenge so far?
The biggest challenge is to manage Zed’s disappointment when telling him something is out of bounds. I’m still working on this really.
Going to primary school was a big step. During the first few days of orientation, I walked around the canteen to get to know the aunties and uncles and I even made a card that lists his allergens. It was the school’s first time handling a child with dietary requirements and the teachers were nervous as well.
Sometimes the teacher’s anxiety scares the child as well. The teachers saw Zed walking towards the canteen floor and they’re like, “Zed why are you here?”. So he didn’t eat in the canteen at first. Now he does. Luckily there are four friends from the same kindergarten in his class so the kids already know about Zed’s allergies.
I wanted him to practice asking questions and making sure that he can eat. When we rehearsed with him, he knows what’s supposed to be done but I haven’t seen him do it before.
As Zed grows and becomes more independent, are you worried that he will take risks with his food allergies?
No, I worry about the other extreme instead. He actually went into food aversion and he became very scared of trying new food. Even when we tell him it’s safe and that we’ve checked the food for allergens, he will still say no and say something is not right. He’s so sensitive that he only needs to touch a little bit of the food and he’ll say he’s not feeling well. Most of the times, he’s right.
We learn to respect him. It seems like he’s really good at it (knowing whether there are allergens in his food). The other day when we were out dining, the kitchen assured me that there’s no coconut in a dish and he ate it. After one bite, he told me, “Mummy, this is not right. Something is wrong.” He started puking and had hives. We made the kitchen check again and they confirmed that there was coconut.
The service crew and kitchen at the restaurant were really not aware. It’s a common problem. The ingredients arrive at the restaurants with no proper labelling. The restaurant we were at had a list of ingredients of each dish on the menu but somehow, the lists were not very updated and it missed out on the coconut.
How do you deal with people who don’t understand?
I’ll share if they are keen to know more but I’ll just ignore them if they do not have a direct impact on Zed’s safety. For those who are not keen but impact Zed’s well-being, I’ll give clear instructions on what needs to be done.
What’s your go-to meal for your family?
Chicken or duck rice.
What about your groceries?
I’m always on the lookout for new snacks and food that will interest Zed. We want him to know he has a lot of choices despite the long list of allergens. Typically, the foods imported from overseas would not be easily available and will cost a premium but it’s worth it.
What’s your advice for other parents who are struggling with their child’s diagnosis?
There are many of us out there! You are not alone.
INTERVIEW WITH ZED
How do you feel when somebody offers you food at recess or at a party?
I feel happy but I will say “I cannot eat this” if I am allergic to it. I will ask, “Can I see the ingredients?”
Eggs, milk, fish and seafood can make me very sick. I will get itchy, my stomach will feel funny and I will puke.
And what do you do?
Just stay calm and take the medicines that will kill the allergic reaction.
How do you feel when mummy takes a food away from you?
Happy! (Emma: He called me a fun killer 
😏 )
What’s your favourite snack?
Gummies because they are delicious. Strawberry is my favourite flavour.
What’s the most exciting thing about birthday parties?
It’s fun! I will ask my mummy or daddy to buy another cake that I can eat.
How do you feel when your friend remembers to bring you an allergy-safe candy for you?
Happy!
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Teacher or famous YouTuber. I want to make funny videos.
